This is the End

Started by zhixea, Apr 03, 2012, 04:28 AM

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zhixea

Hey dudes and dudettes   /heh

The name's Michael:

I quit my final RO server (Divinity) about a month and a half ago. During this time I've experienced an incredibly journey of self discovery among other things. It's truly been a roller coaster; life is like that. I lost both my grandmothers in a two week span, was hospitalized with an aneurysm, and am now waiting for some blood tests to see if I have some sort of serious blood clotting disorder.
Life threatening or not, these experiences were traumatizing to say the least, but I've had a lot of time to sit down (or lay down in my hospital bed I guess) and reflect upon my life and my experience with RO and how it has shaped me.

I know that I would like others to have the same opportunity to realize what's important in life in the long run, and help those in need.
By all means, to those who are comfortable with how RO fits into yours lives, keep playing if you can control it and it makes you happy. All the power to you.

But I just hope that this memoir/note/confession/thing will serve as a guide to those who are seeking meaning and purpose in their lives; to those who feel like they may be a little bit too obsessed or involved with this game and are sitting on the fence about it. So this is my story.

I started playing RO in 6th grade. Yeah. It was like... '05 or something, AnimaRO. Me and my two best friends found the website, downloaded the game, and just got lost in its world. Looking back on that period of my education, RO is practically the only thing I can remember. I maxed a high wiz, a magic ninja, and a stalker, and WoE'd with one of the top guilds in the server.

I remember a year and a few months in, one night I got upset over the fact that my parents got angry at me and shut off my computer; that I wouldn't be able to complete all my daily quests and grinding for equips. Every day I didn't do those mvp raids or dungeon runs, I felt like I was effectively "losing" rewards. Then I stopped and thought about what I had just said. 
Even if I completed my in-game "chores" that day, they would be there the next day to do again. And the next. And the next. For every day I didn't do them, I felt like was "missing out". Heck, following that line of thought, every minute of every day not spent on RO equated to zeny and items "lost".

And then it hit me: the logical extension of RO is to never stop playing. Sure you hear from your parents and everyone else to "remember to take breaks" or something such, but the way the game itself is structured, you never actually feel that way. You never want to walk away from it. You just want to go deeper and deeper into its abyss, to wrap yourself in the warm folds of its blissful ignorance and sameness. And like that, it all came thundering home; how cleverly the game had pulled me in, how strongly it was trying to keep me tied down, how desperately it didn't want me to escape its grip. But it was too late. Like a rebel to the matrix, I had awakened to my reality. I saw for the first time that was being led by a carrot on a stick.

The battle that ensued was long and hard. I quit, returned, and quit again on multiple occasions. I've bounced back to RO year after year after year. Yet after that first awakening, every return felt less realistic than the last. I had no need for RO anymore. The escape it provided was duller than the vibrant reality that it had tried so hard to emulate. Eventually, I took the ultimate final step with a 1 month run on this server, gave all my equips to my guildies in HS, and uninstalled. There is no going back.

Now those days are little more than whispers in my mind. Friends have tried to get me back; browsing these forums has been tempting; and of course the pull is as strong as it ever was, but I have resisted time and time again. And what rewards have I reaped from this epic quest? Two months full of incredible real life experiences to remember and live by. A whole wall in my room bursting at the seams with books that I've read. Real life skills that put RO's professions and quests to shame. Loving friends and family with more spirit than priests and more intellect than mages. A license and a car that I value more than any mount, and family pets that I love more than any summonable "companion". In two months' time, I will reach senior year, apply for colleges, and hopefully attend something like Stanford, Harvard, Yale, UCLA, or Cal. And after that, I'll be looking to med school or law school.

More than achievements, I have memories. More than gear, I have a lasting sense of accomplishment with myself. More than a stat sheets or a log of mvp spawn times, I've got to-do lists checked off and thrown in the garbage can after a productive day of work.
I think I truly just asked myself, in ten years, is all the time that I've devoted and lost to this game going to help me? Versus if I spend this time to call up and have dinner with a close friend or sit down to dinner with my family, or finish a project for one of my four AP classes.   /wah

This is where it gets important.
Regardless of job, build, or role, RO players have always had at least one thing in common; we wanted to be great. Honestly, who doesn't? We strive to gear up with the best MVP drops or dominate the WoE arena. But the greatness we find in Rune Midgard is fleeting, and tries to seduce us with its passing pleasures. Like a dessert, RO satisfies in the moment, with card drops and castle treasures but ultimately leaves you with a growing emptiness. Do you really want to eat nothing but ice cream for your entire life? And for what? Monotony? Drudgery? Think of everything you're missing out on in the life beyond your RO Patcher! You want to talk about resources "lost"? You want to talk about things going to waste? You have the power to live an adventure that is ten times what any Gravity story could amount to! To sacrifice that for little more than mental pastrymaking... that is the true waste. That is the true tragedy.

And this is my end all be all "Quit Videogames" spheel that you're all gonna hate me for
Now is the opportunity for you to prove your greatness. I know not who you are, or where you hail from, but the fact that you're reading this and seriously thinking about things is already a sign that you've seen the light. You have more potential for greatness than any character you've ever made in game. And the best part? Unlike everything you've done in RO, the character you roll in real life is something that Gravity, Cookie (no offense), or any other GM or player can ever take away. Unless, of course, you go back and keep grinding away at those same old pixels-on-a-screen. But you can be above that. Don't start tomorrow. Don't start after doing "just one more dungeon". Start now. Prove that you are stronger than all of Ymir, Morroc, Yggdrasil, Odin, Abbey, Thor, the New World, and Rune Midgard itself combined. Defeat the greatest MvP in the history of Ragnarok: the game itself. And as you loot through its drops, take control of your destiny once more. And there's a 100% drop rate for success if you do that (See what I did there?  )



If I die tomorrow in a car accident, or in three months from leukemia, or live healthily until a ripe old age of 90 like my grandmas did, I will have had no regrets. RO has blessed me with diligence and creativity and problem solving, and I can only be stronger moving forward with my life to promise and a bright future. You should be able to say the same.

Take it from me, Life will always accept you back. Whatever you've lost, whatever you've sacrificed, whatever you've let fade away will come back to if you put the time and effort in. If it is important to you, you will find a way. If it isn't, you will find an excuse. Don't make the same mistakes and excuses I did 17+ times over by coming back.

You have a whole life to live, and that is something that no amount of yellow numbers will ever amount to.  /no1 

jblazer

 /...

Lol. RO or video games are not to blame. You are.

You quit 17 times? like really, I see players like you all the time. Extremely un-productive with their life, blame their problem on ragnarok and end up deleting characters or dropping items then coming back in a week.  /swt

what's stopping you from playing casually? oh right, you lack self control. If you feel like you play to much then simply DON'T PLAY FOR A WEEK. Just like you said, it will be there tomorrow. If you have friends, they can help you. If you have spare time for a few days. Then enjoy the game, not sit there killing monsters being depressed.

Your post is insulting to everyone who plays this game. Just cause you have your life on pause doesn't mean you should come here and lecture everyone on quitting the game.

Have fun NOT PLAYING RO a game you clearly enjoy. But if quitting ro gives you a sense of hope and confidence in being more productive, go on ahead. I'll be on WoE'ing with my guild cya :)

Smoke


yC

#3
I suggest you take jblazer's post as another slap to your past and nothing else.  Don't listen to Smoke xD, stories like this happens way more often in WoW.  People dropping out of college left and right from playing too much WoW.

Yes life do look great for you, you are still very young, have a nice family, caring friends and a bright future.  I am glad you "wake up" before it is too late.  I too had my share of "blame ro and wake up" moment.  There was one sem/term (spill over effect from summer holiday) I was so addicted to RO then the hit on my grades made me realize what's more important in life.

You didn't share the time line, you said you started during 6th grade and quitting around now (?) almost applying to college.  That would make 5~6 years or so loss of real life experience?  That's a lot of time loss.  You should thank your parents for helping you quit by shutting down your computer. 

It is great that you shared your story, I am sure there are many souls that are stuck in the RO space or internet space in general and cannot find the exit.  But you don't have to think everyone you see in RO is like your previous-self.  There are people that play the game for leisure while being productive in lives.  There are kids that plays with self control hopefully. 

With what you said, I hope you never come back to RO.  Remember -- RO ruin your life.  I agree on that, especially for people with too much time on hand.  jblazer do made a good point, self control is the key.  Too bad young people are lacking it.


Jasc

WoW has already taken my friend as a victim. He was my roommate for 6 months, he didn't go to school, didn't find a job, he played WoW at home for 6 months and never left the house pretty much. His parents came to bring him home cause he was being unproductive and wasting time. I think its pathetic and it pains me to see that there are people who are like that.

SnowBunny

Another alternative is to play.. And yet have a life outside the computer.. :p


Look Adelie! Look! Stupid people! Stupid people everywhere!

Outphase

Start your own server. You'll lose interest in playing very quickly. All your problems will be solved! >___>

In all seriousness though, the reason you keep coming back is because you haven't hit the real world yet.  As soon as you do, you'll realize that even if you want to spend time on RO, you won't have the time to. There is so much going around you and so many things to do in real life, that RO will be put on the bottom of your list of things to do. As soon as you are crunching away in college, working a full time job, it'll come naturally. Plus, self control. If you don't have self control, you are screwed in more ways than one. Not just RO, in real life.

Meta

Self control is also avoiding something known to cause problems.

zhixea

Quote from: Meta on Apr 03, 2012, 06:53 PM
Self control is also avoiding something known to cause problems.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I really appreciate all your feedback (well... some of you ;)

I think it's just that I've personally seen the effects of WoW destroying somebodies' life, and almost fell prey to the same kind of fate with RO and LoL.

msdesigns

It is simple, live in your little cyberworld or live with your real stuff and be productive.

and yes starting your own server could make you lose interest in playing, tried it myself during my senior yr 2010. I was so addicted to online games not just RO, tried FPS, other MMORPGs, and even facebook games. Then the effect showed with me failing to graduate in time, thus made me wake up and realize what should be my priority :)

Now, I only play during weekends and make sure to limit it for just few hours. I don't mind grinding takes some weeks to just maxed out my character as long as I am being productive in real life as well.

Uplink

I do admire your story and how you managed to get back up in the end. I find it really inspiring.  /sob But to be honest, we are all different. Like the previous comments, we all have our own opinions and lifestyle. I'm pretty sure you understand that as well. Never the less, I hope you always have fun, be successful, and happy in your life. Cheers to you.  /no1

D1gITaLMaYhEm

@ OP

Sir ignore most of these trolls i too have ventured on a path of self discovery (i'am a MMO addict myself) real life is tough for some people and i applaud you for what you have managed too do because it is no easy task.

MMO's for me are quite an escape from reality and all my (first world problems) self conciousness ect,
but unlike you i lack all self control when it comes to "games" also for anyone else who reads this when your getting lost in your pixel world even though it isn't related to RO persey i visit here
http://www.wowdetox.com/
it can be quite helpfull when your trying to avoid the temptation of locking all your doors and closeing all your curtains and no lifeing ro or what other MMO/RPG that takes your fancy.

Stay strong fellow addicts
Sincerly EmoPocky(Level 150 Extended Novice ygg server iRo)

Jasc

#12
Quote from: D1gITaLMaYhEm on Apr 04, 2012, 12:13 AM
@ OP

Sir ignore most of these trolls i too have ventured on a path of self discovery (i'am a MMO addict myself) real life is tough for some people and i applaud you for what you have managed too do because it is no easy task.

MMO's for me are quite an escape from reality and all my (first world problems) self conciousness ect,
but unlike you i lack all self control when it comes to "games" also for anyone else who reads this when your getting lost in your pixel world even though it isn't related to RO persey i visit here
http://www.wowdetox.com/
it can be quite helpfull when your trying to avoid the temptation of locking all your doors and closeing all your curtains and no lifeing ro or what other MMO/RPG that takes your fancy.

Stay strong fellow addicts
Sincerly EmoPocky(Level 150 Extended Novice ygg server iRo)

While I admire you and the OP's post about the difficulties of self consciousness and escaping reality, majority of the players are casual and self controlled players. We frowned upon the part where he suggests players to quit as well. This problem does not happen to most of us. If you have a personal addiction to games as a lifestyle choice, I highly suggest you speak to influential figures in your life such as your parents, your family, even a counsellor at school or if you are out of school, a professional psychologist. In the defence of all posters you call trolls on this thread, I want to say that while it is a problem, it really isn't significant in comparison to real world problems today such as cancer, depression, and poverty. While you may think an online game is an addiction and a real problem, you have to be glad you still have a home and food to eat on your table. While you are being self conscious about yourself, people are dieing and hungry and sick as we speak.

I donate every year to a cancer foundation and I donated to Japan's tsunami relief fund. So please don't get the wrong idea that we are trolling you, we simply want to show you that there are bigger issues in life and you have to be responsible for your own life and choices. If you are addicted to smoking, well thats a lifestyle choice, its really no different from being addicted to an online game. You are the ultimate key player in determining your own future. You really can't blame anyone but yourself for the decisions you make.


D1gITaLMaYhEm

#13
Quote from: D1gITaLMaYhEm on Apr 04, 2012, 12:13 AM
(first world problems)

Enough said? i don't claim that its significant but it can be difficult everyone has there own personal struggle that just so happens to be mine.

I also don't remeber placeing blame on anyone in any of my previous posts and that my sole reason for my post was to show OP and anyone else who struggles from any addiction that they can be inspired by OP because  has broken hes.

p.s also to be fair what may not seem significant to you can mean another persons hell not everyone has your mindset and there are plenty of things that can happen throughout your life to make you feel think and act diffrently from other people (Hence the phrase everyone is unique) before you start judgeing me OP or any other game addict Jasc prehaps you should stop and think what lead to the addiction in the first place could be a buttload of things.

Sure you can start saying "Those Kids with cancer" "Starving african children" but please refer to my quote "First World Problems",i really feel sorry for those people that have to have that life struggle and if i had the money to donate to them i would but seriously you shouldn't be compaireing the two because they are in a diffrent league and have nothing to do with OP's original post.

Also i think the whole reason OP started this thread was it was one of hes final steps to letting go of something that has been a massive part of hes life and he was trying to be part some wisdom on people in the same situation as him, and you should be thanking him rather then trying to compaire he's previous issues to other stuff.

FYI i'am very thankfull for the food on my table and the roof over my head and not being dead/dieing of course but i mean comon you really played that card? thats like me telling you to GTFO from your luxurys all toghether because there is people in foreign lands that needs your help better get on a plane ASAP!! cause those people need you.

When you throwout that little bit of food you just can't finsh does that make you a terrible person?(THINK OF DEM AFRICAN CHILDREN)

When you complain that petrol is too expensive(THINK OF DEM PEOPLE THAT CAN'T EVEN BUY FOOD)

When you b*tch about it being too cold(SOME PEOPLE DON't EVEN HAVE BLANKETS)

When you rage because your internet is being jacked up(SOME PPLZ CAN'T AFFORDZ INTERNET)

so obviously your a horrible dramatic person right who needs to stfu and stop complaineing?

^ theres a whole massive list
i guess what i'am trying to say is that i guess we can all sympathize and feel terrible for these people  but we have our own sh!t to deal with.

Chemical Crush

Addiction or not, the point is, he lacks self control.  Its not a bad thing, I'm sure we all from time to time have lost self control when it comes to something.  Spending too much money, doing drugs, alcohol, tattoo's who knows.   When I was younger, 16 or so, i'd spend pretty much my whole day on RO.  I play WoW now, am I addicted to it?  Nope.  Because I know there are things outside of the internet world that are way more important.  Sometimes you have to sit and really think about the important things, now I did read this on the div thread already and replied.

The point is, not all of us are complete addicts when it comes to the game and I don't believe the OP said everyone was.  But its a very inspiring thread for those who are in the same boat.  Do I suggest you completely quit video games?  No.  Its best to learn what moderation is.  I've quit RO many times, eventually I got bored of it.  ( Now ) I rarely play.  Sometimes i'll log into a server once a week, get a few levels, log off.  Seriously, thats it.  Now I do log into WoW daily ( usually ), sometimes to do 2 or 3 dungeons.  I don't usually spend more than 2 or 3 hours on at a time.  Some days I don't even log in, especially the weekends.

If quitting completely works for you, then hey.  Thats great.  But not everyone can also quit video games the same way.  Honestly if I quit video games all together i'd be freaking bored when I had time to myself.  But its good to see that you realized some things were important.

Btw, quit blaming video games, its not the pixels fault.  Its people who cannot manage time or self control.  If I see one post saying that its Blizzards fault or Gravity's fault for them being addicted I will blow my top, its your fault you started playing and don't know when to stop.  Thankfully OP realized his life was going down the drain before he ended up being 37 still living with his mother, no job and only playing video games.